Link 25 May I'm Somewhere In Between»
Link 23 Mar Because...»
Link 15 Mar Updates»

Blogging :)

Link 16 Jan Home School High-Five»

This part of the story is only for people who woke up this morning wondering if they will be able to make it through another day. If your life is all right then I am happy for you. Go keep on being awesome, shine as bright as you can, bookmark this page and come back when you really need it.Because if you live long enough, you will. For those of us who are going into battle today- with depression or divorce or bankruptcy or sickness or loss, it really doesn’t matter what you are facing when you pull yourself up to your full height and step out of that door alone– I offer up this advice-Hold on.

Own your scars with pride.

You’re not fooling anyone anyway…… How much more time are you going to waste hiding from the world? What is it you are so afraid of losing if you let people see who you really are? Stop trying so hard to be what you think you should beand spend the rest of the time you have dancing instead. No matter how hard you try to pretend that your life isn’t falling apart, people can sense it.

Quit trying to bullshit the world.

Everyone knows everything already anyway. Our brains process the entire catalog of disease immunity coiled in the DNA of every person we meet within a split second by scent. We know when someone is lying because deep in our miraculous supercomputer we are calculating a slight dilation in pupils, noting variations in the temperature of their skin and the tenor of their voice as we exchange pleasantries.

All of this takes place behind closed doors, so we don’t know we are doing it.” I just had an intuition” says the fireman “So I got out. A few seconds later the floor collapsed.” “I’m worried about my friend” your neighbor thinks after she runs into you at CVS “She said she was doing well, but she didn’t look right.” If we know this much about the world around us, the solutions to our problems are buried within us like seeds waiting for the right set of circumstances to push their way up and out into our awareness.

Maybe it just takes time.

Intuition, sixth sense, neurology- we create these chemicals that run through our circuitry, sparking little explosions in our brains that make connections like tiny lightening bolts between the places our ancestors decided to store memory and language and reason; creating our thoughts, brewing our emotions and dispensing them to our bodies through an exquisite, complex system we copied from the veins that shoot chlorophyll through the skin of a leaf. How, exactly, is this not magic? I remember being seven years old, praying every night that I would see something unusual- an angel, a fairy, a talking goat wearing people clothes after I accidentally stepped in the wrong wardrobe and ended up in Narnia-I wasn’t picky. A year later I would stop believing in Santa Claus. As the permanent state of wonder that all children are born into began to dissipate, I wanted desperately to see something magical. When I think about that now, I realize that I have had it all along. As my Dad used to say about God-” It is you, and you are it.”If you were born into a world from a storybook- if you grew up riding unicorns to a gingerbread school every morning, giving the talking weasel crossing guard a high five on your way to dissect a garden gnome in Biology-you would still spend your lunch hour bored, checking Facebook every ten seconds on your phone. You would still be blind to your own beauty and powerbecause we stop seeing the magic in what is familiar. The hippie was only half right. Everything is a gift. If you can’t feel that right now, don’t worry about it. When doctors are worried about someones brain because it has been traumatized by something-like a lack of oxygen, they freeze the body down to 58 degrees, inducing a coma so it has fewer chores to worry about.
1. Lungs breathe in, breathe out.
2. Heart–beat.
3. Kidneys and liver—process waste.
4. Brain—take a break, slow down and tell the world to fuck off for a little while.
Narrow it down until you are spending energy on that very moment, only on what’s right in front of you.

Love and LIVE that one moment.

Here is the best thing about losing what is dear to you- your job or your health or your looks or even your family-the props we use to signify our identity and status to the world–when you have suffered long enough-when every day seems to add another new crisis or disappointment to the mountain of bullshit that has become your life- when you feel like it takes a Herculean effort to put one foot in front of the other and everyone around you is simultaneously adding weight to what you are carrying and annoyed at you for not getting to the top faster-and then someone’s dog runs out of nowhere, bites your ankle and pees on your leg-and you think-’I don’t have the strength to keep climbing anymore’-and- ‘What the Hell happened to me? Who am I now?’
-At the last possible second, just when you think you can’t live through one. more. day–you will experience the return on all of those tears you’ve been so diligently investing.After you think you have lost everything, look around.

Assess the damage.

Drop what you have been carrying around for everyone, sit down halfway up Bullshit Mountain and pet the dog.
Be still.
Survey the landscape of devastation that stretches behind you.

What is left?

You are.

Give yourself a homeschool high-five.

* Thank you S. Haroldson … There are always those unexpected reminders that inspire me to keep it going.

Audio 5 Jan 267 notes


“Dig a Hole”
William Beckett

Plant a seed, top it off, watch and see, pray for rain, wait a week. It never comes.

Humans are curious creatures. We acknowledge life is infinitely complex, but in spite of (or perhaps because of) this knowledge, we try to control everything around us, from the frivolous to the significant. There is an innate feeling within us that recognizes the vanity of our actions, and yet, we stand midstream, trying to stop the river with our hands. Because we’re afraid of the uncertainty and the unknown, we do our best to control ourselves and put guards up against what might destroy our comfort.

But just behind the curtain, just behind the curtain, something is happening.

For the past year, I have been outside what I consider my comfortable place. Last year, another continent became my home, and I was faced with the necessity of meeting and interacting with new people constantly. Ever since I was little, I have struggled with the repeated pleasantries, the worry they’ll find me annoying, the crippling fear of rejection. But I’ve learned to hide it well, and I would guess most people don’t realize that, inside, I’m panicking about whether my joke was funny or if I’m interesting enough. To cope and make it through the encounters, I hide behind my mask for each new meeting, hoping it will get people to like me.

I don’t want to be lonely, and I don’t believe I’m the only one. I’m sure many other people I meet all stand behind their own masks to hide their secrets, insecurities, or invisible pain. Everyone has pieces of themselves they want to keep behind the curtain.

I tell myself, “Gotta make you happy, whatever cost, whatever fee, tomorrow comes.”

Sometimes our masks begin to define us. But a mask is a lie. Instead of being ourselves, we become stuck, trapped between the person we really are and who we think another wants us to be. In the fear that they might leave us, the desire to control takes over, and we try to change ourselves. The fiction of it all sweeps us up, and we forget how to truly be happy. We forget we deserve to be happy as ourselves.

Open up your hands and let go. How impossible it seems. It’s possible to me.

It’s difficult to surrender to the unknown and present yourself to the world. But we have to learn to love and accept ourselves before we can release the insecurities, jealousies, and resentments. Our uniqueness should be cherished, and we all have something special to add to others’ stories. When we understand we deserve to be loved for who we are, we can take off our masks forever.

Perhaps it is only when we let go of our desire for consistent control of life that we can embrace it fully.


I love this blog.

Link 5 Jan The Background Check»
Link 5 Jan Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.»
Link 5 Jan Eliminating Word Bondage»

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Link 5 Jan Eliminating Word Bondage»

The Background Check

Photo 10 Apr

Design crafted by Prashanth Kamalakanthan. Powered by Tumblr.